choices

Sometimes the choice is not between right and wrong, but between order and chaos. It is an interesting choice, because, by definition, right is right and wrong is wrong. Order and chaos don't have that knee-jerk reaction built in. Sometimes, chaos is the right choice, and sometimes order is the wrong choice. 

I'm no great scholar of Hinduism, but I have always been intrigued by their notion of destruction--while not pleasant, there is a time for it. To me, this is when chaos is the right choice. I'm not sure if, deep down, this is about tearing up the flooring in my house, or getting divorced, or something else. Maybe it's about killing zombies? I just don't know, but it is mildly interesting today.

batch lore tips

I’ve often thought it would be fun to write down some tips for the freshly bachelorized. My wife and I split up several years ago; then I pushed the fledglings out of the nest, leaving me living alone with a marvelous long distance girlfriend. In the following few years, I’ve learned a lot about myself and a lot about living alone. I do not have a list of bachelor tips, but I’ll spout out some nonsense, willy-nilly, as it occurs to me.

The first tip, however, is easy: buy a shop vac. It is far and away the best investment a guy living alone can make. Over the years, I’ve watched women pushing around crumbs on kitchen countertops. They push them around and around. Most find their way to floor, where the housewife’s broom finds them and delivers them to the dustbin. With a shop vac, however, those crumbs are sucked right up into a black hole in a jiff. A broom? Brooms are for witches and the occasional quidditch match; a real man uses power tools.

A shop vac is also a handy thing to rid yourself of unwanted houseguests. An invasion of ants is really just a real-life video game where the aliens descend on the helpless peasants and collect them in the mothership for nefarious purposes, off-planet. In this game, you are the alien. Ants go bye-bye and the place doesn’t smell like Monsantoville. Spiders and webs? TTFN, baby!

When you’re picking out this indispensable device, remember: you don’t have a big family any more. A small, lightweight model is better, as long as it really sucks. Keep an eye on the horsepower ratings.