I am sad and a little cranky.

When I got my first shot of the vaccine, I was waiting the requisite observation time when the reality of the situation hit me: this is a miracle! I smiled broadly enough that the nurse came over to check on me. I told her I was simply amazed that this day had finally arrived. My time expired and I nearly skipped back to the car.

Before I got my second shot, a friend got hers and posted a blurb on FaceBook about how relieved she was, and how happy that so many lives would be saved. “Ouch,” I thought to myself, and scrolled down to view the wreckage--not as much as I expected, but still it was there, the condemnation. I sent her a private message, congratulating her and letting her know, privately, that I shared her appreciation for the marvel of this vaccine. She was surprised at the number of people that did not, revealing that she had also received many private messages castigating her for taking risks with her life. I sighed. 

I got my second shot and was giddy at the prospect of fewer and fewer restrictions. I did not share these details on FaceBook--it was simply not worth the energy or the heartache. Energy in the form of responding to nonsense about the dangerous vaccine, and heartache at being disappointed science had escaped the grasp of so many. 

In the fullness of time, I judged myself fully vaccinated and began resuming social interaction. A small party, breakfast with a beloved neighbor...delights, but there was still a pall of the pandemic; I couldn’t just switch it on and off. Just this past week, we took a short trip to Laughlin. With new advice from the CDC and the fact that Nevada is not California, I finally experienced some normal. Afterward, I realized I was a little blue. We should be celebrating the miracle of this vaccine, shouting from the rooftops, dancing in the streets! So many grandparents saved! So many senseless deaths averted. Post-pandemic life… but we can’t really do that, can we? If I shouted from the rooftop, the fool in the street would shout back: “Put your tinfoil hat back on, you idiot!”